where to dig, how to dig, why to dig, what to say about the dig, how to dig the dig, what to drink, how much to drink, and even what to wear. Never again confuse a hypocaust with a hypothesis, a mastaba with something best kept to yourself, and the exemplary digger and TV personality Sir Mortimer Wheeler with a retiring academic who had no interest in seducing winsome and impressionable young female archaeologists. Bask in the admiration of your fellow undergraduates as you pronounce confidently on the merits of interpretive (correct) and post-processual archaeology, and hold your own against the most pretentious of archaeological know-alls. There's no shortage of them. Do Say: If History is bunk, then Archaeology is junk. Don't Say: `Look what I've just unearthed . . . do you think Richard 111 used plastic forks?'